Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize