Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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