i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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