her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
