So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
