When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
