if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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