I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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