Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
