I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
