i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
