so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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