I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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