Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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