if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
