Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Randomize
