butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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