I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
