I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
