as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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