hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
