Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
