Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
