I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
