i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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