Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
