he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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