tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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