WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
