Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize