We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
