Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
