This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
