Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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