He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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