The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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