I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
