guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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