I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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