I need to stop coming to work sober
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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