Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
