How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
