i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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