Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
