I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
