If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
