this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
