i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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