if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
