This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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