a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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