You're so nebulous sometimes
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
NoShamevember. You game?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
