Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
