She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize