somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
