i just wanna soil my oats bro
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
