I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
