It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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