When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
