i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
