No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
