I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
